Seriously, has anyone ever seen anything like it?
It's on the Everton TV section of the official website and does make for some disturbing viewing.
You can almost here the weirdo behind the camera:
"Right young man, I think you'd look much better if you removed that tracksuit top....do it slowly mind, don't want anything getting caught in the zip...slower son, slower...there you go, that wasn't so bad was it....and you look like you've got a bit of definition there, what do you think about...no it doesn't matter...well it's entirely up to you, whatever you're comfortable with, but how'd you feel about removing the shirt now...?"
Anyway, that's an aside and slight justification for using that really convoluted headline which was meant to lead into a story about Landon Donovan wanting to return to Everton.
Except, as I read more into it he hasn't actually said that, he's just been reiterating how positive an experience playing at Everton was.
Donovan said:
"I wasn't expecting anything when I went to Everton but the experience was so positive for me. It helped me so much and helped me see myself as a different, better player.
"I had those two spells in Germany but they didn't work out because I didn't put in the effort that I should have.
"I just wanted to play but I didn't want to work at it - I was not ready tactically, mentally, physically or technically.
"Being at Everton was a whole new thing. And when I look back at that time now, it was one of the most important periods of my career because it showed me that I could handle myself playing with and against the best players in the world.
"I have a new confidence and belief in myself now.
"I also have a new insight into the game - on how it should be played and what is achievable for me personally.
"And I think what I learned at Everton is already showing itself in the way I have been playing for Galaxy this season.
"I also believe it will help me at the World Cup finals and especially against England because I know so many of their players now."
While it's very nice of him to say those things, it's hardly a nod and a wink that he'll be coming back to us!