What snide estate agent had him off there?
"Oh yeah, all the best houses are in Bebington..."
"But the lads were saying that Formby is where it's at for sure."
"Has Formby got a Frankie and Benny's and a Pizza Hut within staggering distance of each other? Not to mention a massive Boots and a Comet store?"
"No but a couple of the Liverpool lads were saying that Caldy is for sure the place to live in Wirral"
"Has Caldy got Fifth Ave and the Ritzy (R.I.P) right on it's doorstep? I don't think so! Now if you can just sign here Mr van der Meyde"
And so it came to pass that our mainly grounded Dutchman took up residency in Bebington where he had his house knocked off a couple of times and his dog held to ransom.
Which, along with a couple of irritating injuries and...er...'spikings', does make for a pretty rough trot in anyone's book.
No wonder he said: "I have been through a horrible time over here."
But he really hasn't helped himself at times and it seems a bit churlish for him to start demanding first team football just because he's fully fit for the first time since he arrived at Everton.
Another big problem for him appears to be that his family have moved back to Italy because they can't settle.
van der Meyde said of their estrangement: "It is horrible that we are not living together."
He added "If I'm not playing it affects me badly. It does make me feel sick."
No Andy, that'll be the vodka.